Far Out of the Box picks for: Alternative Lifestyle Media Represetations
Alright get out your TV subscriptions, your books, your Tik Tok and Instagram accounts and get ready for the Alternative Lifestyles ride I’m laying out for you!
I’ve recently received a request from my coaching community for media representations that can connect a client to the queer and poly communities. It brought me to reflection over how I have actively sought out these avenues in the media for years and years and actually have a plethora of opinions. So here I am invested in sharing them with you!
I’m going to organize by categories and do my best to only choose one per category. I’ll be noting my favorite, but there are for sure many more that won’t make this list. Also, I don’t actively keep myself up to date on all there is out there. More recommendations welcome!
Are you ready?!? Let’s get right to it!
LGBTQIA+
Television: Reality
Queer Eye, Queer Eye, Queer Eye!!
Putting the FAB in FABULOUS!!!
Oh Queer Eye, how do I love thee.
I can proudly say I am on the 20 year long journey with Queer Eye. Rewind my life to my college days at James Madison University, sitting in my dorm room with my roommate where we hosted Queer Eye viewing parties back in 2003. A new episode came out? We were there! The OG Queer Eye. We were absolutely enthralled!
A make over show, hosted by fabulous queer men, that would not only make over the participant’s look and home, but thoroughly change their life by positively encouraging them to care for themselves and see their own worth and value. We watched these participants embrace their own life and step into a new and brighter future. YESSSS!
When the first cast of Queer Eye ended their filming, it was a sad day. With the revamp in 2018, I was initially both thrilled and concerned that I wouldn’t bond in the same way with this new crew. All hesitations were completely incorrect. New Queer Eye is definitely FIRE! I adore all of them!
A joyful recent memory that happened last year was my sister and I introducing our father to Queer Eye. He got into it! He was listening to all their helpful life lessons and tips and was thoroughly engaged in the material. It really is for everyone.
For me, the good feelings and happy tears flow freely almost every time. If I need to feel uplifted, the recipe is more Queer Eye.
*Runner-up and honorable mention: Ru Paul’s Drag Race
Television: Sitcom
Schitt’s Creek
You’ve likely seen Schitt’s Creek by now, but if you haven’t… go on this quirky, fun adventure!
Admittedly, as an Earth loving, hippie flower child, I had to get myself through the first few episodes where this family is so centered on wealth, money, possessions, and fashion. It’s not that they stop being like that (right away), but the characters develop so beautifully over time and it’s absolutely worth getting through the beginning of this show to see the end.
This show makes the LGBTQIA+ list because it normalizes having a queer main character on screen. There isn’t a big deal made about David’s sexual orientation, it’s just who he is. And there are some beautiful scenes that depict deep love between him and a certain man he meets later in the show. I won’t give too many spoilers, but season 4 episode 6 is magical.
After the show completed it’s filming, the cast shared a really beautiful on screen retrospective special talking about the show and their experiences. During this special, they also shared that they received hundreds of pieces of fan mail thanking them for the representation that they delivered in this show. Mothers saying they felt like their teen children that identified as queer were understood by this show. That this show made such a difference. "Your willingness to explore, inform and educate about LGBT+ people and their relationships in an entertaining but respectful and positive manner sets a tone that is often missing." After the reading of this letter aloud, there was not a dry eye in the room, neither the one containing the cast on film, nor the one I was occupying.
Schitt’s Creek is charming, delightful, and funny and one of those tv shows that I’ll likely watch again one day.
Television: Period Drama
Gentleman Jack
Ok, for someone who grew up watching period dramas and all the Jane Austen ever, seeing this show hit the streaming world had a jaw dropping effect on me. I was elated, that I now live in a time where a show like this can be made! It also made me reflect on how all those period dramas (that I still love and hold dear [BBC 6 hour long Pride and Prejudice will continue to be watched over and over again]), never had ANY representation of queer life at the time, much less a main character / title of the show surrounding this character’s alternative lifestyle.
How thrilling it was to dive into this show. Gentlemen Jack (aka Anne Lister) frequently talks to the camera in a quippy, earnest way that brings some comedy to the whole experience of being a woman and having to insert yourself into such a male dominant, misogynistic society in the early 1800s. Created based on the diary entries of the real Anne Lister (who has since been dubbed “the first modern lesbian”), the show follows her life as a wealthy landowner in England in a time where women barely owned anything. She travels, she has romantic affairs with women, she manages her families affairs and all the while scoff’s at societal expectations further by dressing as a man. She was a pioneer and she lived!
While the first season was certainly superior to the second, in my opinion, the show feels like a huge milestone for queer representation in the period drama genre. As a bisexual woman that still loves the nostalgia I get from watching “Sense and Sensibility” and “Persuasion” for the 40th times of my life, this was a fresh and empowering show to experience through the lens of the strong willed Anne.
*Same, same but different honorable mention: Albert Nobbs (2011)
movie
Pride (2014)
Get out your tissue boxes!
What an uplifting gem of a movie all about camaraderie and the underdogs pulling together to create change on a large scale.
I feel like this movie somehow slipped through the cracks of mainstream media. Have you seen it? If not, I must highly recommend you change that.
Pride (based on a true story, as the best heartwarming stories are), takes place in England and follows a small group of politically engaged and progressive gays that decide to support a struggling miners strike in a nearby region. The miners are mostly small town conservative types, that are certainly not used to interacting with loud and proud queers, but they are in need of support in their strike against big business/government in 1984. Both groups that would seemingly be at odds with one another, find common ground in needing to have their voices heard.
A fantastic movie and historical tale!
*Runner-up and honorable mention: Milk
Documentary
Disclosure: Trans Lives on Screen
Such an important documentary to watch! There’s so much here about how movies, television, and even older forms of entertainment have portrayed trans or gender bending individuals over time in unhealthy, often negatively stereotyped ways.
Awareness to how the media has drastically affected our cultural lens towards the trans community, is a first step towards us collectively healing the damage that these stereotypes have caused. I so appreciated the historical breakdown and realized myself, how many hidden messages are being delivered, even through small roles in movies and television. Well… often historically it was only through small roles because trans actors and actresses weren’t given the opportunity to fill leading roles.
It’s educational and eye opening. Check it!
*Runner-up and honorable mention: Paris is Burning (1990)
POLYAMORY / ETHICAL NON-MONOGAMY
TIK TOK/instagram
Dana and the Wolf [aka] The Poly Couple
A Tik Tok / Instagram ongoing mini series that centers around the polyamorous couple, Dana and Daniel and their dating exploits. Episodes are no more than three minutes long and drop two to three times per week. But oh wow, do the fans always crave more!
My favorite reaction that regularly gets posted to the comments section: “I’m canceling my Netflix subscription. The Poly Couple is everything.”
They have a unique way of capturing conversations that happen around polyamory whether it’s between the two of them, supporting each other’s dating forays, or from the point of view of others they encounter in their social network. They portray real emotions and issues that come up when you explore non-monogamy and don’t usually make an effort to solve the issues. Dana and Daniel show us reality, often ridiculously awkward reality. It’s wonderful! I get my notification that a new episode has been published and I am THERE!
This is the sitcom we ENM (Ethically Non-Monogamous) folks have been waiting for! And truly whether you’re exploring polyamory or not, I imagine you will enjoy this window into this world.
Podcast
Normalizing Non-Monogamy
Every episode features an interview that introduces a new couple or individual’s life experience practicing polyamory. The content is so varied! If you are looking for actual, real life examples of how polyamory does (and doesn’t) work through the trial and error of live humans… this is the podcast for you!
Novel: Fiction
The Fifth Sacred Thing by Starhawk
One of those books that I absolutely loved reading.
As a fan of dystopian futuristic societial storytelling, and the opportunity to reimagine how we build community and relate to the world, I have read so many novels within this genre and have to put this book at the very top of my list.
The world in The Fifth Sacred Thing is modeled in the US, on the land that was once California, after our governmental systems have collapsed some years into the future. The small society that is the focal point of the story, embraces all forms of religion in their spiritual ceremonies, they operate politically in true democracy, they share resources communally, they embrace all forms of connection and relationship.
It’s a refreshing view of polyamory where they’re so far into non-monogamy being a given in their society, that none of the characters are grappling with healing the patterns of jealousy and conditioning towards having one partner for life that are still coursing through our current 2020s culture.
There is even one very memorable sex scene invovling a polycule that is so beautiful. It’s not showy in it’s sexuality, but rooted in love, pleasure, and care. Which is SO SEXY!
The main character is a healer, that heals others by diving her consciousness into the body of her patient to find what is wrong and then does energetic battles with disease and sickness. I’m not doing Starhawk justice with my description here, but these scenes are incredibly written and depicted. The magic of energy healing being written in a visually stimulating way is fascinating.
Naturally there is an opposing and more dominant and controlling, warlike part of this future society that their small community comes into direct conflict with. It’s not all rainbows and sunshine. The battle for the survival of their way of life is a key component of the plot. You’re heartstrings will be tugged on. It’s gripping and fantastic.
Nomad life
Movie
Nomadland
Francis McDormand forever! Ever since “Almost Famous” she has had my heart.
Loads of people recommended this movie to me as a nomad. It’s definitely has a sobering quality to this tale of nomadic life as a result of job loss, yet also so many positive lights attached to this lifestyle. It’s beautiful and real. I’ve never personally experienced the van life style of nomading, but really appreciated this portrayal. There’s a quiet, independence, yet at times a clear need to come together in community and support each other.
A message we all need to be reminded of. Community, sharing and supporting one another is one of the healthiest ways we can live and connect; no matter how we choose to structure our lives.
OPEN ALTERNATIVE CATEGORY
Reality Television: KINK/POLY/LGBTQIA+
How to Build a Sex Room
This show is so fun and playful! Not just your average home makeover show, this time the focus is on turning a room in your home into the space for all your sexual desires to be realized and enjoyed.
Melanie Rose, the show’s host, is highly engaging and connects with every individual in each couple or partnership featured, to be sure that she is going to create a comfortable and tantalizing space for everyone involved. Her light, playful approach to sexuality and kink makes it so accessible to viewers. There are laugh out loud moments and truly educational moments in each episode.
There’s an episode where she builds a sex dungeon / cuddle puddle basement for a 7 person polycule (polyamorous group of individuals that date each other, can contain any number of people and a variety of relationship dynamics). It’s a fun one! She manages to fulfill each member’s desire in that room.
All kinds of relationships are represented in this show. It’s on Netflix and is a wonderful ride.
Bonus info! The whole show is filmed in the Denver, CO region which makes it even more fun to think these sex rooms are in neighborhoods nearby!
In Closing
And with that I bring us to the end of the journey. I’ll leave a few more titles here that I also really enjoyed if you want to keep digging.
The L Word! / The Last of Us / Euphoria
Representation is important!! Media influences our culture more than we can ever fully understand. It permeates all of our senses and embeds imagery and quotes into our psyches. Growing up through the 90s, it was challenging to see a lot of positive representation for us alternative beings.
Thankfully the world is evolving, albeit slowly, and mainstream television is becoming more inclusive. Though our world still very much struggles with safe spaces for us, I hope that young teens and adults in the LGBTQIA+, Poly, nomadic, and kink communities can feel more and more that they are seen and heard and that there is a space for them at our communal table in society.
